We Heal Together
For so many, the idea of groupwork is terrifying on some level. I’ll speak personally here: parts of me feared some kind of public exposure and deep humiliation loomed.
It takes tremendous courage to step into our own work, but there is a limit to where we can go on our own. We need each other, something I’ve spoken on several times before
(See “Space to Pursue Wholeness” a Wild at Heart Podcast from 2024)
So why do we do it at Noble? Why the group model? Why the invitation to leave our work and our last names at the door, as has been the practice of so many group formats over the decades?
Our daily roles define us. Mother, father, pastor, doctor, mechanic, retiree, student, athlete, addict… in so many ways they form our identity. Over time, our identity becomes so rigid we can’t tell the difference between it and us. When we blend with the things we use to define ourselves, our work, our last name, our families or lack thereof, we lose the ability to work on ourselves.
Pastor Jim can’t have an anger issue or he might lose his job. Kate the college sophomore feels that she can’t talk about her rape because it might question her position on the team and with her friends. But Jim and Kate the human beings can talk about what’s really under the surface. They are free to be honest and real, with the imagined consequences of their other identities set to the side for the week.
Only when we return to what it means to be human can we be fully honest with the good, the bad, and the ugly of our lives. It is there that we most need each other. We’re tribal creatures. We intuitively respond to the pain, the anger, and the honesty of those around us. Honesty fosters honesty. Pain engenders empathy. Confession invites our own humility and ownership.
We move beyond the world of concepts when we see another person express joy, rage, grief, longing, and hope. When we are surrounded by fellows on the journey we tap into communal learning in a lived experience. Malcolm Gladwell has done some research on how people only really feel the impact of information when it affects our lives: a war halfway around the world? Nope. A shooting in our city? Nah. Our baker, who we buy bread from each week, died of cancer? Absolutely.
Enrollment in the story of others is meaningful from start to finish. It’s an honor, holy ground, to step into the story. We watch the faces of the group reflect honor and terror when asked if they will play the role of a father, a sister, a younger self, of God… Taking the stage in someone else's life and feeling the weight of the scene, long before any words are spoken, has an impact all of its own.
Like it or not, when we invite others into our story we give them the power to affect our lives, which means we grieve when they grieve and celebrate when they celebrate. In good group work, we all grow and heal together.
