Letting “the mask” go

Leaving “the mask” Behind

It’s a profoundly lonely thing to be loved for the identity I created as a mask. 

The version of myself that I created to hide behind became the version of me that others celebrated. Successful. Driven. Perfect. Without need. 

Putting the mask behind me feels like I’ll be inviting rejection. Not to mention letting go of the parts of me I’ve used to keep from being hurt all over again.

But I am so lonely. When others love the mask it’s not the same thing as them loving me.

These words aren’t from me, they are from several clients that all spoke the same language over and over again. If they resonate with you, you’re not alone.

For so many of us, the mask was life or death. Our world is filled with beauty and cruelty. No one is spared from the cruelty of life. A death too soon. A betrayal by a friend. An assault by a family member. The lights of the squad car flashing in the bedroom window. The look of contempt from a stranger.

Somewhere along the journey of life we learned a lesson: it is vulnerable to be human. It’s risky to be seen. Perhaps it feels too risky. Perhaps it really is.

So, the mask steps in to keep us protected. We begin to perform in a thousand was: we people please, we achieve, we joke, we sanctify. We look for the version of ourselves that will get us acceptance, safety, and success. Or we numb. But that’s for another time. Usually we do both.

What happens when we’re rewarded for the mask?

The world loves it when we people please. When we don’t have needs. Or boundaries. Or a voice. We get heaped with praise for being a portion of ourselves.

As so many of my clients have given voice over the years: it is a profoundly lonely thing to be loved for the identity I created as a mask. 

When others love the mask it’s not the same thing as them loving me.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to risk living as we were designed to live. What did God have in mind when He created you? What art… what community… what compassion… what beauty did He have in mind for you alone to bring into the world? What has been left waiting for you to do, held back while we hold up the mask?

Letting the mask fall down has its risks. The world isn’t any less cruel than it used to be.

But it’s a lot less beautiful without what you were meant to bring.